I Don't Have To Wonder
by chikorita18
Summary: Prequel to "Nobody Wants To Be Lonely". Ash, just turning sixteen, decides that he's ready to tell Misty about his feelings for her. But someone stands in the way...(The debut of Clayton!)


I Don't Have To Wonder  
  
Author: Chikorita_18  
Category: Romance  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Just after his 16th birthday, Ash feels that he is finally ready to admit his true feelings for Misty. But someone else is in the picture now and could shatter Ash's hopes of living happily ever after with Misty...  
A/N: This fic is a prequel to "Nobody Wants To Be Lonely". It'll help you understand how the whole Clayton thing started. And, if you've read "NWTBL", you know that this one won't have a happy ending. Oh, and I got the title from a Garth Brooks song, but this is not a songfic.  
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Ash buried his face in his palms as the group around him enthusiastically participated in a round of "Happy Birthday". Not only had they completely surprised him with a party, but now they were trying to humiliate him with every known extra verse to the song. Of course, it could have been any other song, because the Pokémon singing in their various languages really threw off the tune.  
When the song wrapped up, Ash removed his hands from his face. "Please, don't sing anymore," he said. "That's...you suck at it, Brock."  
Brock pretended to be offended. "Fine," he said in a mock-huff. "I'm taking my gift back!"  
"Gift probably sucks, too," Ash said with a grin that made him look like he was still ten years old.  
Brock made a face. "Geez, kid, what did I ever do to you?"  
"You didn't try to stop anyone from throwing this party!" Ash said.   
Delia, Ash's mother, gave Ash a pouty look. "Aw, and after we put so much hard work into this thing?" she said. "Please tell me you have more respect for our work than that!"  
Ash finally smiled. "Yeah, I do. Thanks, everybody."  
Delia nodded and set about cutting the cake. Ash always insisted that his birthday cakes be shaped like PokéBalls, and this year, the cake was shaped like a Love Ball.   
Brock and Tracey had burst out laughing as soon as they had saw that cake. "Love Ball?" Tracey had laughed. "Geez. Mrs. Ketchum, you can read minds, can't you?"  
Delia had looked at Tracey with a strange look. "What do you mean?" she had said.  
Ash had walked into the room then, looked at the cake, and his face had gone a deep red. He patiently explained to his mother about one of his deepest secrets. "Mom," he had said, "I don't know how to say it...but...I think that...I've fallen in love...with...with Misty." His voice was shaky and his face beet red. "I'm just trying to work up the nerve to tell her..."  
Brock and Tracey had nodded. "He's been a total spacecase lately whenever he's around her. I'm surprised she hasn't clued in on it yet."  
Delia's eyes had widened as she stared at her son. "Oh, Ash, that's great!" she had cried. "You've got to tell me how it works out when you tell her!"   
Ash now stared at the cake with a despondent look. He had planned on telling her about his feelings today, on his sixteenth birthday, but she hadn't shown up. He was devastated without the distraction of really bad singing to take his mind off of it. Misty, his best friend and the young woman that he was in love with, had not shown up to his birthday party.  
Professor Oak noticed first. "Ash, you seem a little upset," he said. "Are you all right?"  
The room fell silent as they realized that the birthday boy looked like he wanted to cry. "Ash? What's the matter, dear?" Delia said.  
Ash lowered his eyes and pulled the brim of his hat low to hide them.   
Delia knew that something major was up and sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around her son. "Ash, please, tell us what's wrong, honey," she said.  
Ash shook his head and stood up, retreating to his room. There, he flung himself onto his bed and burst into tears. *Where could she be?* he thought. *What is there that's more important than a best friend's birthday?*  
Brock knocked on the door. "Ash, are you okay?" he asked, knowing that it was a stupid question.  
Ash shook his head.  
"It's about Misty, isn't it?" Tracey said, walking past Brock into the room. "You're upset 'cause she didn't show, right?"  
Ash nodded.  
"I should have known that," Brock muttered. "Ash, I'm sure she has some good reason..."  
"Like what?!" Ash cried, bolting to his feet in almost a rage. "What on earth could be more important than her best friend's birthday?! What kind of excuse could she possibly have?!"  
"Ash, calm down!" Brock said. "There's no use getting worked up!"  
"What will anger accomplish?" Tracey said in his universally calm voice. "All you'll do is make yourself more upset. Believe me, Brock and I are gonna talk to her when she gets home. You'd probably just blow up at her and that's not what you need, not when you're trying to profess your love."  
  
***  
  
Misty pulled up in front of Ash's house and turned to the dark-haired man in the driver's seat. "I had a great time tonight, Clayton," she said. "Can we do this again?"   
Clayton O'Connell was new in town, straight from Viridian City, and he'd met Misty at the Pokémon Center. He'd asked her to go for a drink, and she had accepted. The night had turned into a night of music, dancing, and all around fun. "Sure," he said.  
Misty smiled shyly at Clayton. "Well, I'll see you again sometime," she said. "Call me if you want to go out."  
Clayton nodded, leaned over, and kissed her on the cheek. "Bye, Misty," he said in a low voice. "I'll call tomorrow, okay?"  
Misty nodded and climbed out of the car. She felt her heart soaring as she opened the door. Clayton seemed like the best guy that she could have asked for, and she was looking forward to seeing him again.  
Brock and Tracey were waiting just inside the doorway, arms folded and both looking like they meant business.   
Misty dropped her purse, startled. "Why are you guys still up?" she said.  
Brock's jaw was clenched as he practically snapped, "We were making sure that Ash doesn't try to jump out the window," he said.  
Misty frowned. "What?" she said. "Why would he do that?"  
"Maybe it's just us, but I think he has a right to be upset when his best friend blows off his birthday party."  
"The party wasn't today, was it?" Misty said, a blank look on her face.  
Brock rolled his eyes and had to walk away. Tracey raised his eyebrows. "Well, I suppose I'm being too observant, but the birthday decorations on the wall should be a clue, dontcha think?" he said.  
Misty looked around and then shrugged. "I don't see what the problem is," she said.  
"The problem is that you never showed up!" Brock almost roared. "Ash had his heart set on having all of his friends here and you DIDN'T SHOW UP!!"  
Tracey instinctively backed away, knowing that Brock and Misty were about to have a pow-out.  
"What difference does it make?!" Misty yelled back. "I was out with someone I met today!"  
The expression on Brock's face could have made the Scorpion King run in fear. "You ditched your best friend, whom you've known for SIX YEARS over some guy you just met TODAY?!"  
"Yeah, I did!" Misty shouted.   
Brock's fists were clenched enough to turn his knuckles white. He forced himself to calm down. "Misty, do you even know how devastated he was when you weren't there?" he said in a calmer voice. "Can you even imagine how upset you would be if we never showed up at your sixteenth birthday party? Especially after Ash threw you that huge party when you turned sixteen?"  
"Well, he's the one letting it get to him," Misty said defiantly.  
Tracey rolled his eyes this time. "Everyone in the room agreed that it was completely insensitive of you to not show up. For god's sake, Misty, he was in tears for the entire thing!"  
"So what?" Misty said coldly.  
Brock had had just about enough. He was sick of hearing Misty talk this way about Ash. He stormed up to her and did the one thing that he'd never dreamed of doing - he slapped her. He practically knocked her back against the door. He was livid.  
Misty rubbed her cheek, where Brock's handprint was beginning to show through, and looked back up at the two of them. "To hell with all of you!" she cried. "I'm going back to my guy." She stormed back out the front door.  
Tracey put his hand on Brock's shoulder. "Hey, are you okay, man?" he said. "That was a pretty big outburst there."  
Brock forced himself to take a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm cool," he said. "I just couldn't take it."  
Tracey nodded. "I wanted to do the exact same thing." He half-smiled. "But did she say...her 'guy'?"  
Brock shook his head. "She can't have a boyfriend, there's no way!"  
Tracey bit his lip. "But what if she does?"  
Brock shook his head again. "Then Ash is going to go absolutely nuts..."  
  
***  
  
Two days passed. Ash hadn't left his room other than to use the washroom and he was now seated at his desk, pen in hand, trying to think of what to put on the piece of paper in front of him.   
Pikachu jumped up and Ash shooed it off the desk. "Please, Pikachu, I'm trying to think," he said.  
Pikachu watched its master with sad eyes.  
Ash noticed. "I know I've been a jerk these last few days, Pikachu, but I can't help it...Misty hasn't come back once after what Brock did...not even to get her stuff..."  
Pikachu ran off and Ash went back to concentrating on his letter. Finally, he touched the pen to the paper and began to write.  
  
'Dear Misty;  
I wish I knew why you didn't show at my party. My mom said that you knew about it. All I can do is ask...why? What did I do to make you so angry with me? I thought that our friendship was getting stronger. We have been such good friends this last year. We hardly ever fight and we've been the perfect picutre of friendship. And then, my party. I waited, god knows I waited for you. I watched that door like a hawk, waiting for you to waltz in with that goofy walk you do when you're 'fashionably late'. I've memorized that, you know? I waited for you for an hour before my cake started to melt and we had to go on. I kept my eyes on that door through the whole party - except for during an incredibly embarassing round of "Happy Birthday" - but you never came. And when I realized that you weren't coming, I ran to my room and I cried into my pillow for hours. I've never been so upset, Misty, never. And even now, I feel the tears in my eyes. Not only because of what you did, but because of what I'm about to say in this letter.  
The thing is, Misty, I love you. I have for a long time. I'm not sure how long, exactly, but it's been a long time. There's not a day where I don't look at you and say to myself, "She's the most beautiful girl I could ask for." And for the same reason - love - I can not find the courage to tell you that I do. When I'm around you, it's like you have this grip on my heart that I'll never escape, this grip that makes me act like a toned-down version of Brock. I can't think when you're next to me, Misty, I can't think and I can't speak. You think that I've ignored you all this time, but I haven't. It's that grip you have on my heart that makes me act that way. I can't imagine not telling you that I love you, but then again, I can't imagine telling you, either. All I can do is write this letter and pray that you will come back to see me again. I don't hate you, Mist, and I never will. I'd ask you to marry me right now if I knew that you would say yes. I'd promise my life to you forever if I could. There's no one in the world that could ever compare to you, Misty, and I mean that. So, for my birthday this year, I only want one thing - I want you to love me. If you can love me half as much as I love you, then that's good enough for me. I love you so much, but I'm scared...scared that I'm going to be hurt. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and I only hope that you can find it in your heart to try and love me, too.  
Yours Forever,  
Ash Ketchum'  
  
Ash wiped the tears from his eyes and put his pen down. He felt worse now than he had when he had started to write. "What if she doesn't love me?" he said to himself. "What do I do then?" He sighed. "I'm crazy to think that she'll ever love me, but I've got to try...things just won't ever be the same, but it's a risk that I'm just going to have to take."  
He stood up and headed downstairs, intent on finding Misty and at least giving her the letter.  
Surprisingly, Misty was downstairs. Even more surprisingly, a man was at the door, talking to her. She seemed to be enjoying herself. And then, the man leaned forward and...kissed her.   
Ash could only stand at the bottom of the stairs and stare helplessly. Finally, the guy left and Misty closed the door. She turned and saw Ash at the stairway. "Oh, hi, Ash," she said.  
Ash tried to hold back the feelings of rage and sorrow that were breeding in his gut. "What was that about?" he said.  
"Oh, that was just Clayton," Misty said, walking towards the kitchen. "He's my new boyfriend. We just met a few days ago. It was so romantic...."  
The rest of Misty's words failed to register as Ash felt the whole planet come down on his head, metaphorically speaking. She was in love...and not with him...He looked at the letter in his hand and shook his head, trying to get a bearing on what was happening.  
"Ash, are you okay?" Misty asked.  
*No!* his mind screamed. *I've put all of my heart into this and now you're just gonna blow me off for another guy that you met a few days ago, after you've known me for six years? For crying out loud, Misty, I love you!*  
But what came out of his mouth was anything but that. He looked at her and smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm happy for you, Misty."  
Misty flashed him a grin and practically skipped out of the room.  
*How could you do that, you idiot?* his brain scolded him. *You could have told her! At least she would have known!*  
Ash shook his head. "The point is, she's happy," he said to himself. "And now I don't have to wonder about it anymore."  
And, in less time than it took a tear to fall, Ash crunched up the letter in his hands. Yep, that was the key. As long as she was happy.  
  
END  
  
A/N: There may be another chap or two to this. I wanna take this prequel all the way to just before "Nobody Wants To Be Lonely".  
  
A/N that has nothing to do with the story: I'm not sure if anyone who read the rest of my fics will read this, but I gotta stress this enough: These guys are not supposed to be in character! Do you really think that they'd be the same as they were when they were ten? I noted that Ash is sixteen, and I think he might have matured a bit.  
And "The Final Confrontation" was meant to make Giovanni look bad! I know it was a stupid decision to have him walk into the room alone, so TR fans, that one's not meant for you.  
And I said I was sorry for killing Pikachu in "Fly, Little Wing"! Geez, it was just a plot device to bring Ash and Misty closer! Maybe in another fic I'll, like, have the Unown bring Pikachu back from the dead or something...nah, you bugged me enough about "To Know The Unknown"!  
Last, but definitely not least - anyone bug me anymore about not staying in character or not using the exact same plotline as a Pokémon movie or anything, and EVERYONE (except Tracey) WILL DIE IN MY NEXT FIC! HA HA HA!  
(Sorry...sugar buzz)  
  



End file.
